Siblings and Stress
Since siblings often spend more time with each other than they do with their family, it only makes sense that their sibling with a special need has an immense impact on their life (Orfus & Howe, 2008). In an article completed in 1988, the researchers discussed that siblings are a strong influence on each other and promote development within each other (Stoneman, Brody, Davis, & Crapps, 1988). Therefore, although siblings are reluctant to finding ways to cope, their stressors are extreme, especially at certain ages. Stress was also reported as being “dependent on the individual’s appraisal of the event” (Orfus & Howe, 2008). Since stress is dependent on the individual, it is clear that stress levels are based on each child’s own emotional attachment to each situation they encounter with their sibling.
One of the stressors that were found in a sibling that is older and developing is that often times siblings end up experiencing additional caregiving responsibilities for their sibling and are treated differently by their parents (Cuskelley & Gunn, 2003). Having differential treatment as well as having caregiving responsibilities at an age where a child is still developing has stress related to family dynamics. In fact, 45% of college students that have a sibling with a special need report having feelings of shame towards their brother or sister (Orfus & Howe, 2008). Although children are resilient, having peer interaction is a very important role in each child’s life. Children that are still in grade school and high school have reported feelings of, “wishing to be accepted by their peers, while at the same time wanting to defend their sibling with a disability” (Orfus & Howe, 2008, pg. 168). It is understandable that children at a young age want to feel accepted by their peers. It is also understandable that siblings want to stick up for each other and create a close bond. Finding a happy medium between being accepted by their peers and being able to defend their special needs sibling is a stress that siblings must learn to address. Healthy brothers and sisters of a sibling that has cancer as a special need have been reported to have “mood swings, withdrawal, and attention-seeking behavior” (Heffernan & Zanelli, 1997, pg. 394). This can be because their sick sibling is receiving more attention than the healthy sibling and because of the parent stress level is elevated and family dynamics have changed. Although their behavior may change, the sibling of the special needs child emotions change throughout the illness, and often times improve behavior and have a better understanding of the needs of others. (Sahler et al., 1994). A study that was conducted in 1972 found that although children had stress related to their sibling’s disability, 45% of children benefit from having a sibling with special needs. Siblings of those with special needs have a stronger understanding of others, are more caring, and appreciate intelligence and health (Grossman, 1972). In addition to the results from Grossman’s (1972) study, recent studies from within the last 12 years have also suggested that having a sibling with a special need benefits the sibling by improving their understanding of the world around them as well as improving their self-worth (Orfus & Howe, 2008). |
Coping Methods Checklist
Below is a checklist with an overview of ways to help your child cope with the stress of having a child with special needs:
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Coping Methods
There has been little research completed to find ways to help siblings cope. However, what little research has been done has proven to be effective. The following information will give helpful coping techniques for siblings of special needs children.
Social Support In a study that was conducted by Ross and Cuskelly (2006), after looking at 16 different coping strategies, they found social support was a very positive coping strategy for children of special needs. In fact, after interviewing 25 children that have a sibling with autism, 92% of the children involved in the study reported that having social support helped them cope with their sibling having special needs. In an additional study that was conducted by Rivers and Stoneman (2003), they looked at sibling relationships as well as marital stress in a family setting that has children with special needs. The study concluded that accessing social support is a positive and effective coping strategy for siblings. Not only does social support in the terms of having family members, friends, and church prove to be effective, but seeking out social support on the professional level (health care and education) proved to be helpful for siblings as well. Helpful Tips Although there has not been a lot of studies on how to help children with special needs cope, the videos to the right help to describe children's feelings and ways in which they cope. Children from all ages have feelings of neglect and as you will see, several siblings felt as though they had to grow up at a very young age because they had to take on a responsibility of caregiver. The children in the videos all show compassion and warmth towards their siblings, which help to prove their love and devotion regardless of the struggles they have had to face. Even though there have been few studies on finding way to help siblings cope, the information in the videos will help you as a parent to see how your child is feeling and how similar stories like your own have shaped brothers and sisters of those with special needs. The videos to the right are inspiring and helpful during times of doubt. |
Siblings Stories
Sometimes children feel that they are the only one's that have a sibling with a special need. This section is to help children realize that they are not alone and help parents see what their child may be feeling.
The following video discusses siblings feelings regarding their disabled sister.
This video discusses the insight of siblings who have autistic brothers.
Alicia tells her story about her experience as a child with a brother that has special needs.
The video below helps to explain what feelings siblings of autistic children have. The video goes into great depth with different children who have special needs brothers and sisters.
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